Question
Mine is 9 yrs old. He was diagnosed at age 8. We have a very difficult time sometimes, I just wondered how you handle the really bad days. How do you keep yourself sane?
He is better now with meds, but there are still those days........
Karen
**Husbands are great,
Every girl should own one!**
Answer
Karen....pull up a chair. Have a seat.
I'm the mother of a 21 yr. old Educably Mentally retarded daughter who has also developed mental illness of a schizoaffective nature.
We're talking about the WILDEST mood swings, violent behaviors, depressions and suicidal actions.
You are in the right place. I have been dealing with this for 21 years now so I've got experience for you to draw from and great big shoulders to cry on.
I think we have some other members of the RT that have experience in this area as well. I'll try to direct them here to share with you as well.
Tell me what's going on with you and your son.
Keeping you safe, healthy and on the road.
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Answer
What is bipolar? I am not being smart but am not familiar with the term. Thanks
Been there, Done that and took the time to learn from it. There are still many battles to fight and conquests to claim. Have to go as times a wastin. OFFO
Answer
Brooklyn.....actually that is a very good question.
Bipolar is also known as manic-depression. It is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes severe mood swings, violence, suicidal tendancies, the list goes on and on. In adults these mood swings genereally last for a few weeks at a time. The person will go into depression for a few weeks then into the mania (which is extreme happiness, that can be so bad it causes extreme anger).
In children however, the mood swings are more rapid. They can go through "rapid cycling" which means they can change moods many times in a day or even in an hour.
There is nothing that really triggers the mood swings, they just happen. There are not many people who really understand this. It is very hard to deal with, especially in children. They don't understand what is happening to them or why. They end up with low self-esteem, have trouble keeping friends, ect.
Other things that ususally go along with being BP are.....generalized anxiety, OCD, separation anxiety, social anxiety, non- adjustment to change.
Many times a child who is BP will be misdiagnosed as ADD/ADHD. They are misunderstood.They ususally need to be put into a smaller class in school, because they are distracted easily and can not handle being around too many people.
These kids also tend to talk rather loud (esp. in the manic state) fidget a lot, not sleep at night, sleep a lot during the day, have a hard time concentrating on school work, cry easily, get very angry easily.Another thing is, they have an even harder time dealing with tragedy in their lives. At the end of April, my Brother-in-law was killed in a hit & run.....my son still cries at the drop of a hat and has not even begun to heal from the loss.
We go to a very good Child Psychiatrist who helps him deal with everything.
They are also very loving, have a great sence of humor, love to play, want to please adults, hard workers when able to stay on task.Also, they ususally show these signs at home more than they do in public. It is hard to get someone to believe they are like this if they haven't lived with it.
**This is a good description of my son. There are so many symptoms it is really hard to remember or list them all.
Here is a website that has a lot of information about childhood BP. It is by Demitri Papolos, who is the author of the book The Bipolar Child.
Bipolar Child
I forgot to say, I have dealt with this since my son was born, he is now almost 10, but we didn't get a diagnosis until he was 8.I had a very hard time getting someone to believe there was actually something wrong eith him. He is on medication everyday and it helps tremendously, but he still suffers extreme mood swings.
Karen
**Husbands are great,
Every girl should own one!**
Answer
Karen, my 22 year old step-son is bi-polar and was diagnosed when he was 17. I know it seems real rough right now and it is without a question. I am guessing that they might not have settled on medications just yet? It took almost 3 years to get John's squared away and consistency is the key. You might also face changes in the medications once puberty hits as he will be going through more chemical changes in the brain.
Find something constructive for him that he enjoys whether it's arts,crafts, animals reading/writing or sports to give him a healthy focus.
Many bi-polars adjust to life just fine. I know of two women who were both teachers, one who still teaches special education today.
It's so important for him to be as self sufficent as possible for someone in his age range. I'm not saying to toss in the towel by any means, rather the opposite.
Check and see if there are any support groups around for you and your family, you need to draw strength from them and support one another.
You're in our prayers!
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends
Answer
NureRed...I am guessing that this is the post you were refering to from the RT?
I have a daughter, her name is Sierra, and she is also Bipolar. She is 6 (in about 3 weeks she'll be 7)and has been on medications since she was 3. Sierra was diagnosed Bipolar at age 5 on top of ADHD (combined type/severe). My child has never been stabilized, ever.
In January of this year she had to be hospitalized for the very first time compliments of her so~called & FORMER specialist. This was due to a drug reaction. One that should have never happened with her diagnosis. I now am EXTREMELY leary of anyone wanting to change her medications...but, if I do not let them, she is going to go balistic and most likely, she would die. Although that is a very awful thing to think of, I have to accept it and do whatever I can to get her the proper treatment. Sierra is very much a medical mystery right now. But, we are searching for the answers.
I have made friends with some people in a support group (somewhat local) and one happens to live in the same little town as me. This parent also has a Bipolar child....much different than mine, but similar in some ways (when her daughter was younger). This other parent is now my child's primary caregiver. I work all of these insane shifts and it forces my children to spend 4 nights a week at someone else's home. Since they have already been through this, they know what to expect and watch for....this is EXTREMELY helpful! I am still trying to learn about the disorders and I am SOOOOOOO CONFUSED! But, having some type of support to reach out to when all hell is breaking loose at home and you feel like you just want to scream, cry, and disappear all at the same time (sound framiliar? )is very comforting. Actually, I had barely met this other parent, she loaned me The Bipolar Child to read, offered to come over and help me calm the battle down at home when my girls were hellbent on eliminating each other, referred me to another specialist for a second opinion....then BOOM....the Doctor changed meds...what I got from the other Mom was (Oh SH1T!)....next day...this other parent offered to go with us because my baby needed to be admitted into a hospital (probably the scariest thing that I have encountered so far in my life, I'll take looking into the barrel of a gun anyday compared to that night)and I had no idea what I was in for. It was very awful for all involved.
I am sorry for rambling, I am half past exhausted from the heat today and all of this training. I will come back and try to be more specific later. I hope something in this longggg post has helped
Take care!
~*~Ruffling the fur can getcha scratched >^..^<
Answer
Oh my gosh you guys...I never expected this kind of support.....thank you.
Hunter had been on his meds for a year and they have helped a lot. Before we found the current (and greatest) child psychiatrist we are with....we went to some idiots that would nopt even try to diagnose him. We saw them for a year and a half, and all they would say is he was depressed and had anxiety...DUH....I knew that!
They also had him on 2 meds that were horrible for him, and very inappropriate. One was an upper..the other a downer. Talk about working against each other. Turned out the upper he was on was not approved for kids under 18. He ended upo getting violent towards himself and others. We had to pull him out of school...for safety reasons.
But, the school was very supportive. They got him a tuor, and helped put him in a school and class that could handle him. The school psychologist even made a lot of long distance phone calls to find a good doctor who could diagnose him. She took care of it all.
Now, my son is in a class with no more that 8 kids. They have the teacher and aids in the class to help.
Karen
**Husbands are great,
Every girl should own one!**
Answer
Thank you for the explanation. I am not a parent so there are some things I can't understand as far as the feeling you folks go through.
But I am about to learn because I am involved with the convoy to help special olympics kids on July 20 in Orlando. Don't know how I get involved in stuff like this but it happens. But as long as it does some good for the kids and the industry it is worth it.
Sometimes I think it is good that I have learned to shut down emotionally cause some of the folks I speak to about it get emotional even thinking about it.
I wish you all luck in handling life as it has dealt you a bum hand and wish the best for your kids.
Been there, Done that and took the time to learn from it. There are still many battles to fight and conquests to claim. Have to go as times a wastin. OFFO
Answer
I am currently "owned" by two bi-polar kids, who each have different accompanying problems. My bio son Zach is a bi-polar with ADHD, and light brain damage from 11 surgeries as an infant.
My "other" kid, Tyler is a bi-polar with ADHD, Obsessive/Compulsive, and Oppositional Defiance disorder.
Put the two together in one house and it turns into a grand ol' time.
We live in the psychiatry office, almost literally, as both boys have counseling each week, and then they see "the big guy" a pediatric specialty psy. twice a month. He is the one who is in control of their meds. Not only is he a psy. he is also a prediatrician, and has been in several national studies for this stuff.
One important thing is to have a Dr you feel you can trust with your kids' life. If the Dr has given you any reason to doubt their abilities, find another Dr, or a backup Dr for second opinions. Make sure you feel that the Dr is really listening to you and your child, not just giving an "Uh-huh" here and there. You know you child better than anyone. We keep weekly journals for each boy that the counselors look through to get an idea of their behavior patterns, and that has helped with deciding meds too.
He recently gave us some research on a worldwide study that was done with every type of mental problem, that conclusively proved the effectiveness of adding in Omega fatty vitamins to their diets. (The ones found in deep sea fish) Zach can't have the fish, so we are giving him flaxseed caplets to supplement this, and although they said it could take a while to show, I am seeing some improvement already. It could be worth discussing with your Dr. and it is a good vitamin to have anyway.
We have also been discussing the upcoming puberty issues, as they have proven that the chemical problems do get much worse during that stage. We are already discussing possible treatment plans for that stage, so we can hopefully be ahead of the game.
We have been through so many differnet meds trying to get these boys settled. Thankfully Zach is under pretty good control right now with Ritalin, and Zyprexa for sleep. This Dr told us the main key for these kids is sleep, and for these two, I will have to agree. Since he has got them sleeping at least 8-10 hour nights, they are so much easier to deal with, and tend to listen better.
Tyler has been through Ritalin, Wellbutrin, Seroquel, Topamax (sp), Adderall, Risperdal, Zyprexa, and Depacote (sp), and he is still out of control.
With both boys we have had to deal with violence, temper bursts that have injured the other 6 kids, suicide threats, physically fighting us, hurting themselves for attention, you name it. Imagine having one bloodying his knuckles because he can't have a treat right then, while the other is trying to put the 5 year old's lights out....is gets very hairy.
Another main thing, as someone else said, is consistency, and making sure to never allow behavior to slide because "they have problems". We have really had to learn that no matter how tired or frustrated we are, we must deal with the situation when it happens, even if it means locking ourselves in the bathroom to cry right after. I was so frustrated at one point, I now have a hole in my wall in the back of the house. It was better at that moment than "touching" the kids.
Trying to keep their attention on something can be very challenging. Try to have several activities ready to go at almost any time, so as the get bored, you can try to move him on to something else. We have found that Tyler's forte is dinosaurs, and Zachary's is games that make him really have to think, such as Simon or Battleship. For us it was well worth the investment to get these in the small electronic size, so he can take them when we go somewhere.
Keep plenty of bubble bath and relaxing stuff around for YOU too, so you can enjoy your free moments as you get them. Maybe try to find one of the bi-polar kids groups over at Yahoo Groups, there are some really experienced people there. I know of several bi-polar families running around here, hopefully they can get in here and maybe give you some more support. You are definitly not alone in this, and there are a lot of supportive people here....don't be afraid to shout, even if you just need to do a little venting....a lot of us do understand EXACTLY how frustrating it can be at times.
Best Luck,
Caitlyn
"Know the power that is peace"
"Choose your words carefully, because they go out a long way"
Answer
First and foremost, get the "system" involved as soon as possible. Get Social Services aware of the situation and obtain any benefits you can from that. No matter how slight.
Don't make the mistake I did. I have always handled my daughters problems myself. Private Drs. Private pay. Social Services and the system didn't know she existed until 3 years ago. I didn't want her to be a burden on society and I anticipated her living with me for the rest of her life.
Then she got to violent for home and school. I needed help fast as she was turning 18 soon and could walk out the door with me having no way to stop her. She would ahve been a statistic within a week.
I had to hire an attorney, go to court to have her declared mentally incompetent and be appointed her legal guardian. Cost ME $800!
Social Services took their time trying to place her somewhere safe. She was on the "list". It took a year and a half! The state workers told me that it all would have been easier if she had been known to the system all along.
Multiple hospitalizations, police interventions, and a call to the Governor FINALLY got them off their butts to find safe placement for her.
She was put in group home after group home. All very nice places, but she was too violent for the enviroment they offered. They even gave her her own apartment with staff 24-7. She hurt so many staff they made it 2-1 staffing. When she explodes, it takes 4-5 police to get her shackled! Did I mention she stands 4'11" and wieghs 160?
No amount of medication changes, doctor changes, increased staffing or therapy was getting us anywhere. She was DANGEROUS to herself and others and out of control.
With a heavy heart, I convinced her staff to press assualt charges on her so I could get her locked down in a state mental facility. It worked. But it was one of the hardest things I ever forced myself to do.
I know that sounds awful to you all, but it was the only way I could get her to a safe place, where those around her were safe as well.
I have called meetings with all those involved in her case AND their supervisors. I have explained to them that I have no intention of warehousing my daughter there. She is there to be tested, treated and returned to the least restrictive environment possible AFTER we have had her stabilized for a 6 month period.
I had to FORCE the Medical Drs. to work with the Psych Drs. It's like they don't see the whole patient. Being a nurse and her Mom, I see the whole person and am making them look at her the same way.
We are making progress. She has been there for 4 months and has now been 5 weeks without requiring sedation, seclusion, or restraints.
I have some good Drs. who are seeing her as a challenge and are thinking outside the box for ways to deal with this very unique little individual.
My advice...(Finally!)
1)Get the "System" involved as soon as possible.
2)ADVOCATE, ADVOCATE ADVOCATE!
AS YOUR CHILD GETS OLDER, KNOW THE LAWS, KNOW THEIR RIGHTS AND YOURS. Trust me, no one within the system is going to offer you any clues.
3)Know everything you can about their condition.
4)Don't be afraid to make the professionals do their job and to LISTEN to you! Just because they are the "experts" doesn't make them God! Ask questions and demand answers.
Keeping you safe, healthy and on the road.
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Answer
hi there my name is shawna I have two special needs children, my youngest is 7 he has adhd possible tourettes and some learning disablitlies, my oldest is 10 he is austic with the mental capacity of a 3-4 year old, I think he is bi polar but they won't diagnose him with that. he is also very aggressive a year and a half ago I had to place him in a support home because of his aggression. He has dislocated my elbow at age 5 I constantely had bruises on me from him and he treatened us with a knife that was the last straw. if you would like to email me or im me feel free
luvmy.trucker@verizon.net
shawna
Shawna
wife to Paul--- 2/20/93
mother to corey (Austic) and blake (Adhd) and of course my dogs Cookie and Bear
Aim- Shawnabear72
yahoo-luvmytrucker1993
msn- luvmytrucker1993
Answer
Once again, you have shared very personal things about your daughter, and have made me realize that no matter how hard I think I have it, someone else always has it worse.
I do not think any worse of you for doing what you did. As mothers we have to do what is best for our children. Even if it is the hardest, "meanest" thing that we could do. Your daughter needed that help, and you got it for her. I will send good thoughts every day for her continued improvement.
As to the advocacy thing, I would check and see if it is different in different states. I know here, my "other" kid Tyler has advocates through the state, and it is making our lives a living he**. We have to spend three afternoons a week waiting to see if the worker is going to show up, or if she is going to call an hour late to cancel. If Tyler misses counseling for nay reason, we have a CPS worker on the doorstep to see why, and to inspect him for marks. We are constantly told how to parent him, and they ask HIM if we are doing what they said we had to.
(For example, we were told that he has the right to tell us "No" when we ask or tell him to do something, as "these" kids have the need to feel in control, and we have to let them feel that they have control over their lives)
When I tell a kid to stop jumping off the kitchen table, I don't deal with "No"
If he misses too much counseling or Dr appts, we will be taken off the program and will lose his Medicaid and Social Security Disability, until we re-apply and go through the program again. What do they want us to do when he has locked himself in the bathroom, refusing to go, to the point it tkaes two of us to carry him to the car? But that doesn't matter to them.
So for us, it has been the worst thing we could have done, but then again we do live on the Reservation, where things are done differently. If a person can get good, understanding, workers that realize what the parent can be going through, I would say go for it. But I would have to say, make sure of what your states' program requirements are before just jumping in as we did.
My bio son is NOT in the advocacy program, and I don't have it near as bad with him, but I do have the counselors and Dr.s on my side.
Caitlyn
"Know the power that is peace"
"Choose your words carefully, because they go out a long way"
Answer
I think I would be checking into the mental health laws in your state. And, YES, they do vary from state to state.
The age of the affected person factors in to the equation as well.
Keep us posted on this situation, PLEASE!
Keeping you safe, healthy and on the road.
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I started to read all of your respnces the other night, But I could just not get through them. I was in tears and couldn't handle it at that time. To be honest with you, we only deal with his psychiar=trist. I have tried from the time he was 2 to get someone involved, but, no one would even admit there was a problem.
The only help we have gotten was from the school...they really supported us and still do. Other than that we handle it on our own.
When we were first looking at BP as a possibility...my own sister said there was no way he was. My niece was taking psychology in college at the time and was the "know it all" like my sister and they both determined he was not BP. Fotunatley, I have never been one to be told I was wrong...especially by her....I took pride in calling and telling her about his diagnosis.
I am getting involved at some of the schools in the area, because a friend of mine has a son who was going through all of the same things as my son. I told her to have him checked for BP...turns out he is. BUt her school was not being helpful...they were just rude. So, I told her all the stuff that should happen and I went to a meeting with her for him. She really had no idea what to do, so I told them what should happen. BTDT. They weren't very sure of me, but they did what I told them to do. He will now be placed in a smaller class room and have more help.
Thatr was enough to tick me off...so I went to our principal, and asked him what he needed done...I will be getting info and sitting in on meetings at the school as a parent advocate.
I also got an e-mail from BOKids.org. Senator Clinton wants info on all of the stuff a kid goes through so she can look into better education od teachers and staff, It's about time!
Karen
**Husbands are great,
Every girl should own one!**
Answer
That's how you start. Get the educational system working to get them the education they need and deserve. Ask the school for a handbook or a copy of the rulings regarding special education in your state and county. Read it cover to cover then read it again.
Take what you know and share it with others while you hone those advocating skills. You would be surprised at the allies you will uncover.
Now, Take the same mentality and make the social services and state funding help too.
I just came out of court from a review hearing for my daughter. They have to do this on occaission to make sure she is doing ok and all.
A week ago, I had spoken with the public defender (my daughter's attorney) and we were in agreement and on the same page.....SO I THOUGHT!!! I breezed in thinking this was a slam dunk and I probably didn't really even need to be there.
SURPRISE! SURPRISE!!!! The WENCH tried to discharge my daughter to another facility!! I overheard her and the States Attorney discussing it in the foyer, outside, before court.
Let me tell YA! I was INCENSED!!!!
I reitereated what I wanted done (what we had originally agreed upon), I told her she better go in there saying that or I would address the court on my daughter's behalf or I would fire her right on the spot. As my daughter's court appointed legal guardian, I CAN do that ya know. HEHEHE!
Things went smoothly after that. I thought about firing her after the ruling I was looking for came down............ but I figure she'll never try something like that again and why break in a new one...
Keeping you safe, healthy and on the road.
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