Question
The Good, The Bad and the Ugly
Good: You decide to get married.
Bad: You have to pay for the entire wedding.
Ugly: You are getting married to a divorce lawyer.
Good: You are making out with your girl in a car in a dark corner of a public park.
Bad: A cop car pulls right next to you and switches its lights on.
Ugly: Your girl says, "Oh my god, it's Dad."
Good: Your wife decides to give you a lap dance for your birthday.
Bad: She moves like a professional.
Ugly: You tip her a twenty and she looks disappointed.
Good: Your teenage daughter comes to you for advice.
Bad: About sexual positions.
Ugly: Involving more than one partner.
Good: Your daughter writes home from Hollywood saying she made it into the movies.
Bad: As an extra.
Ugly: You find the movie in the backroom in an adult video store.
Rules of College
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules, "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."
He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60."
And concluded with this stern fine, "Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
A male voice from within the crowd was heard asking, "How much for a season pass?"
Donation
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.
So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh... no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer, "my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children."
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.
"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children one of whom is disabled and another has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm sorry, I had no idea"
And the lawyer says, "So... if I didn't give any money to them, what would make you think I'd ever give any to you?"
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just a few jokes i found funny, hehe. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)
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i like the lawyer one. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/happy.gif)
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me too I liked the lawyer one
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Oh my god...that lawyer one is great.
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lol..the lawyer ..
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lol.. i like the lawyer one too.. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)
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Good: Your teenage daughter comes to you for advice.
Bad: About sexual positions.
Ugly: Involving more than one partner.
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
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The lawyer one was funny. XD
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LOL that lawyer is an arse.
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The lawyer one was funny.
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LOL the laywer is EVIL!!!
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hahaha... i like the lawyer one
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The lawyer one is good... but if it was true... thats freaking messed up.
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What a cheapass lawyer
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LOL
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those are all hilarious..
season pass, LMAO
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those are all hilarious.
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They're all good, but the lawyer one sent me on the floor laughing (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)
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Very funny, thanks for sharing (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
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lol. i've heard of the lawyer joke before =P